Urban EDC Knife Guide For Country Boys
It is depressing to grow up in the countryside and move to the city because what I have learned to appreciate abroad is suddenly a legal problem. Nudity is my biggest problem. The city seems to have a very rigid attitude in my pants: I still don't know what to do with the 10-meter high pile of fire in my garden, and the squirrels they throw in the park are frowned upon by little children and their screaming mothers.
Maybe the worst change is that I have to figure out what to do with a knife when I walked up the hill with a EDC knife under 30 dollars around my waist.
And no, you're right. No matter what kind of knife you wear, you shouldn't fight a bear or a lion. The fact is, as long as I live in town, I'm not going to be that happy. Now I have to look for other reasons to play with my knife.
Open the package.
Big knives are great for making people in town nervous and opening boxes.
When a giant pile of cardboard boxes gets sensitive and turns into an army of cardboard soldiers with a beehive spirit determined to destroy the city, I am ready. My experience in testing and writing with a knife has trained me to fight an evil cardboard army. That hasn't happened yet, so if I want to be a hero, it's only if I have to open a box.
In that sense, there's not a single person within 10 yards who has trouble opening my luggage. I've got my DBS about to come out of that awful package. Every time I order something on the internet, part of me thinks "if that little bastard comes, we'll get him" while I stroke my little knife like a racing dog. If I had to make a diagram to figure out how to use the knives, I would have a big red circle that would say "Open the Amazon box" with a blue line that would say "other things that get in the way".
That makes the people in town nervous.
Knives are a great way to make people on the street, nervous.
The nervousness associated with knives is somewhat understandable. Suppose there is anything in the history of mankind that competes with the disease for destruction. In that case, it is an acute and sharp illness (but also heavy and boring things, bad medical practices, heart disease, volcanoes, etc.).
And at some point, I have to admit that it is my fault. I shouldn't have tried to use Condor Stratos to cut a steak in a restaurant. It wasn't designed for that purpose. I also tried to use the cigarette lighter to get in the car after I locked the keys. In hindsight it seemed suspicious, but why else would that light be used?
To clean the nails
Knives are a fun and practical way to cut your nails.
Honestly, I thought I had a special knife to do it with. Especially when I work in the garden, where my nails grow out of my skin and get clogged with fine, stubborn soil.
I know there is another tool specifically designed to remove the dirt under my nails, but 90% of the time it's already there and that tool is in the bathroom. But do you know what happens a meter away, and if I tell my girlfriend, as long as she's attentive 20 times a day, it works pretty well?
Don't judge me. I spent 80 crazy dollars on this knife, and I'm stretching myself out for a reason.
Maybe the worst change is that I have to figure out what to do with a knife when I walked up the hill with a EDC knife under 30 dollars around my waist.
And no, you're right. No matter what kind of knife you wear, you shouldn't fight a bear or a lion. The fact is, as long as I live in town, I'm not going to be that happy. Now I have to look for other reasons to play with my knife.
Open the package.
Big knives are great for making people in town nervous and opening boxes.
When a giant pile of cardboard boxes gets sensitive and turns into an army of cardboard soldiers with a beehive spirit determined to destroy the city, I am ready. My experience in testing and writing with a knife has trained me to fight an evil cardboard army. That hasn't happened yet, so if I want to be a hero, it's only if I have to open a box.
In that sense, there's not a single person within 10 yards who has trouble opening my luggage. I've got my DBS about to come out of that awful package. Every time I order something on the internet, part of me thinks "if that little bastard comes, we'll get him" while I stroke my little knife like a racing dog. If I had to make a diagram to figure out how to use the knives, I would have a big red circle that would say "Open the Amazon box" with a blue line that would say "other things that get in the way".
That makes the people in town nervous.
Knives are a great way to make people on the street, nervous.
The nervousness associated with knives is somewhat understandable. Suppose there is anything in the history of mankind that competes with the disease for destruction. In that case, it is an acute and sharp illness (but also heavy and boring things, bad medical practices, heart disease, volcanoes, etc.).
And at some point, I have to admit that it is my fault. I shouldn't have tried to use Condor Stratos to cut a steak in a restaurant. It wasn't designed for that purpose. I also tried to use the cigarette lighter to get in the car after I locked the keys. In hindsight it seemed suspicious, but why else would that light be used?
To clean the nails
Knives are a fun and practical way to cut your nails.
Honestly, I thought I had a special knife to do it with. Especially when I work in the garden, where my nails grow out of my skin and get clogged with fine, stubborn soil.
I know there is another tool specifically designed to remove the dirt under my nails, but 90% of the time it's already there and that tool is in the bathroom. But do you know what happens a meter away, and if I tell my girlfriend, as long as she's attentive 20 times a day, it works pretty well?
Don't judge me. I spent 80 crazy dollars on this knife, and I'm stretching myself out for a reason.
I'm cutting my pants off.
The straight edges are exaggerated. Take a knife and turn your jeans into nice shorts.
Did you know that's the beauty of it now? I saw a bunch of guys with torn pants walking down the street talking about a local band and I was sure they were great guys. So I punched a hole in their pants and I went to ask them if they'd heard the latest Pixies album. They said "who are the Pixies" and then they said "who was that tramp" but I'm 90% sure they wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't punched a hole in my pants.
Emergency surgery on the open back.
The large scalpel is perfect for emergency heart surgery.
When the old lady fainted in the cafe and CPR didn't work, I didn't say I took a knife and opened her heart to do it, I didn't say the old lady fainted, I didn't say she was going to the cafe.
I'm just saying that, hypothetically, my knife is better than yours, and your knife was bought at a flea market for five bucks.
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